How to Know if a Guy Is Gay

Someone's sexuality is personal, so it's important to respect their privacy. However, you might want to know if a person is gay because you're interested in dating them or want to support them as a friend. Being open with them can be scary, so you're likely feeling really nervous. While you can't tell if someone is gay by how they look, you can observe them to see if they're interested in the same sex. However, you need to talk to them if you want to be sure. If you're interested in dating them, start by asking them to hang out as friends so you can get to know them better.

1
Listen to how they comment on other people's appearance. People who are gay or bisexual are more likely to notice and compliment people who are the same sex as them. Pay attention when the person is talking about people to see which sex they tend to focus on. Additionally, consider the types of comments they're making, such as opinions about the person's appearance.^[1]
- For example, your guy friend might say things like, "Did you see that guy's abs?" or "He looks great in a suit."
- Keep in mind that this alone doesn't mean the person is gay!
2
Consider the person's past relationships and crushes. It's possible that the person is bisexual, and they may even be gay but not ready to come out. However, showing interest in the opposite sex is typically a sign that someone is straight. To figure out if they're interested in the opposite sex, consider who they typically date, who they've had a crush on, and which sex they tend to compliment.^[2]
- For instance, a guy that enjoys dating girls is probably straight, though he may be bisexual.
3
Notice if they use "they" when talking about dates or crushes. If they're dating someone who's the same sex as them, they might use the pronouns "they" and "them" so that people don't realize they're gay. Listen to how they talk about their dates to figure out if they tend to say "they." If they do, you might want to talk to them about their sexual identity.^[3]
- They might say, "My date went well last night. They were really interesting, and I hope they'll say 'yes' to a second date!"
- Keep in mind that they might be using the pronouns "they" and "them" because they are their date's preferred pronouns. Don't make assumptions until you talk to them.
4
Consider if they never talk about their love life. If someone is in the closet, it might be hard for them to talk about their love life. They might be nervous that someone will realize that they're gay, which they might not be ready for. Be open with them about your own dating life, then ask about theirs. If they don't want to open up, don't push them to share more than they're ready for.^[4]
- You could say, "I've been seeing this guy lately, and I think our relationship has a future. How's your dating life going?"
- Again, this doesn't mean that they're gay.
5
Avoid making assumptions based on their looks, style, or voice. In the past, people believed the myth that you could recognize a gay person by looking at their face, observing their style, watching them walk, or listening to their voice. However, none of that is true! Both gay and straight people can look, dress, and sound however they want to. Ignore the stereotypes that you see in the media because they aren't true.^[5]
- For example, a guy can paint his fingernails and not be gay. Similarly, a girl can prefer a buzzed haircut and not be a lesbian.
- Additionally, straight guys can have high pitched voices just like straight girls can have deep voices.

1
Bring up the topic of sexuality to start the conversation. Talk about a book, movie, TV show, or current event that is related to sexuality. Share your LGBTQ+ positive thoughts on the topic. Then, listen as they share their thoughts.^[6]
- You might say, "I really enjoyed Taylor Swift's new video for 'You Need to Calm Down!' It made me wear my rainbow bracelet today. What did you think?"
2
Express your support for the LGBTQ+ community. If you're out of the closet, let them know that you're proud of your sexual identity. If you're an ally, tell them that you support the community. Then, see how they respond.^[7]
- Say, "I came out to my family last year, and it was so hard! But it's so great to be able to share my truth with everyone, and I'm proud of who I am," or "I think it's important for everyone to feel accepted, so I'm an ally for the LGBTQ+ community. If we all work together, we can create real change."
3
Ask them directly if they are gay if they seem open to talking about it. If the person seems excited to talk about LGBTQ+ issues, they likely won't be offended if you ask if they're gay. Be direct and to the point when you ask. Then, be respectful of their response, even if they decline to answer.^[8]
- Say, "Have you ever questioned your sexuality?" or "Do you identify as gay?"
4
Let the person come out on their own terms. It's important to remember that it's not really your business if someone is gay or not. If they don't want to share with you, just let it go. Similarly, keep it to yourself if they confide that they are gay. Let them decide who knows and who doesn't.^[9]
- Don't pressure someone to share if they aren't ready.
- If someone asks you if the person is gay, say, "If you're wondering about their sexuality, why don't you ask them?"
5
Avoid asking other people about the person's sexuality. While you might be nervous about talking to them, it's not okay to discuss their sexuality with other people. This is gossiping and may start rumors that aren't true. Don't talk to anyone else about this person's sexuality.^[10]
- For instance, don't ask, "Do you think that Todd is gay?"

1
Ask them to go out as friends if you're interested in dating them. You're likely eager to get to know them as a partner, so asking them to hang out as friends might sound like a step backward. However, it's actually a great way to get to know them and find out if they're open to dating. Invite them to do something as friends and use it as an opportunity to build a foundation for a relationship.^[11]
- Say, "Would you like to play mini golf this Friday?" or "I heard you like live music. Do you want to go see this local band with me?"
2
Get to know them by spending more time with them. Ask them to do more things together so you can get to know them better. Additionally, text or call them often to help your relationship grow. As you do this, be open about your sexuality and listen to how they talk about theirs.^[12]
- Ask them to do things like go out for dinner, see a movie, or go bowling.
- Say things like, "I've known I liked girls since I was 12 and developed a crush on a girl in my dance class. Have you ever had a crush on a girl?"
3
Flirt with them after you've gotten to know them a bit. Start by giving them small compliments to see how they respond. If they seem receptive, try out a cute nickname to see if they like it. Finally, get a little closer to them physically.^[13]
- You might say something like, "You look so great today! This shirt is really flattering on you," or "Every time I see you walk into the room all I can do is smile."
Warning: Just be sure to respect their boundaries and back off if they get stiff, pull away, or wrap their arms around themself.
4
Invite them out on a date if you think they might be open to it. After you've gotten to know them really well, decide if they seem open to dating someone of the same sex. If they do, go ahead and ask them on a real date. You can do this in person, via text, or as part of a romantic gesture.^[14]
- Say, "Spending time with you has been so great! Would you be interested in going on a date? If not, that's totally okay, and I'm happy to just be your friend."
- You could also text, "Getting to know you these past few months has been amazing. Wanna try a date? If not, we're still on for game night."
- You could send flowers with a note that says, "Would you like to have a first date with me? If so, text me a picture of the flowers. If not, our friendship can go on like nothing happened."
5
Cope with rejection by celebrating yourself and connecting with friends. It's likely that you're going to develop feelings for people who aren't into you. While everyone goes through this, it can feel especially painful when it seems like everyone you like is straight. If you get rejected, remember that it's not about you, so there's no reason to doubt how awesome you are. Instead, remind yourself that you're an amazing person who's worthy of love, then spend time with your friends to lift yourself up.^[15]
- Don't be afraid to put yourself out there again! Go out and meet some new people. Soon, you'll find someone else who catches your eye.

Add New Question

Question

I'm a guy and want to know if a guy I like is gay or bi or pan. What do I do?

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Staff Answer

It's best to talk about it with him. Bring up the topic and see how he responds. As an alternative, you can ask him to hang out as friends and get to know him better.
Question

My husband is a gay, and I'm straight. I really love my husband. We had arranged marriage, and I'm hurt knowing he can't love me back. What to do now?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

This is a painful situation to be in, so make sure you're tending to your feelings. First, keep in mind that he can still love you back, so don't give up on love. Second, talk to your husband so you both understand what you expect from the marriage and what you're both willing to do to make it work. Additionally, it may also help to see things from his perspective. Being gay is part of his identity, and he may feel like he had to deny that part of himself to please his family. You are both likely hurting, but you can be there to support each other.
Question

I've had a friend for 5 or 6 years and he is sending little signs that he is gay. Can I ask him out?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

You can totally ask him out. While it's possible that he might say "no," you won't know unless you try. When you ask him out, let him know that you'll be happy just being friends if he's not open to a relationship.
Question

I'm bisexual and my friends and my friends are disgusted, but I view them as family. What should I do?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Talk to your friends about how they're making you feel. Let them know that you view them as family and need for them to accept you as you are. If they aren't able to do this, it may be best for you to take a break from them and work on making connections with people who are supportive of you. In time, you may be able to reconnect with your current friends. In the meantime, know that your sexual identity is not at all disgusting, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
Question

If a person has instagram pictures at pride does that mean they are LGBT?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Not necessarily. Many LGBTQ+ allies attend pride even though they aren't gay.
Question

Why am I gay? Why did God make me this way? Can you help?

This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Being gay isn't a bad thing! Sometimes it's hard for people to understand something that they haven't experienced, like being gay, and that makes it hard for them to accept it. However, being gay is natural and something that's part of who you are. Right now, it might be hard to understand what that means, and that's okay. Take the time to learn about your own sexuality and decide what you want and need in your life. When you're ready, celebrate who you are, including your sexuality!
Question

I'm a closeted bi person who's more into guys than girls. I really want to come out, but most people I know are homophobic. What should I do?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

It might help to first reach out to people in the LGBTQ+ community for support, even if that's online. Additionally, see if you can find events or places in your area where you can meet teens who are also LGBTQ+. When you feel ready, talk to the person you believe is most likely to accept your sexuality. Then, you can slowly tell other people. If you want to come out, it's probably a good idea for you to do it. However, there's no need to rush, so take as much time as you need.
Question

I am bisexual widower of 60. My friend is about 30, goodlooking, and married with no children. He told me I look stunning when I asked him. I feel somewhat he is attracted to me. How can I know his feelings?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

You would need to talk to him directly to find out how he feels. However, keep in mind that he is married, so forming a relationship with him will likely be hurtful to his wife.
Question

I'm just 12. Do I tell my crush I like her or do I wait for high school or something?

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Staff Answer

That's completely up to you! It might be a good idea for you to get to know her so that you can find out if she might be open to dating. Since you're so young, you're both still getting to know yourselves. Asking her out might be a good experience for you, but it could also be painful if she says no.
Question

Why am I gay? Why did god make me this way? Can you help?

This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Being gay isn't a bad thing! Sometimes it's hard for people to understand something that they haven't experienced, like being gay, and that makes it hard for them to accept it. However, being gay is natural and something that's part of who you are. Right now, it might be hard to understand what that means, and that's okay. Take the time to learn about your own sexuality and decide what you want and need in your life. When you're ready, celebrate who you are, including your sexuality!

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Since sexuality is a spectrum, it's possible that the person doesn't feel either straight or gay. That's totally okay! Don't worry about putting them in a box.
Don't treat them differently regardless of what answer they give to you. They're still the same person!
Keep in mind that your friend doesn't have to tell you if they're gay. Respect their needs and preferences.

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

If your friend tells you they're gay, don't bombard them with personal questions. Let them share what they're ready to tell you.
If someone is open with you about their sexuality, it doesn't mean they're comfortable with other people knowing. Don't out them because it could put them in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
Never try to change someone's sexuality and don't tell them that you think it's wrong. If you care about them, you'll respect who they are.
They could get angry at you for prying.

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It can be tricky to tell if someone is gay without asking them directly, but sometimes their behavior can give you clues. For example, they might say things that suggest that they're attracted to people of the same gender, like, "Wow, he's got great abs!" or "She looks so hot in that dress." If they're not open about their sexuality, they might avoid talking about their love life or use gender-neutral terms like "they" when describing their crushes or partners. Keep in mind that you can't judge whether someone is gay by looking at things like their style of dress or voice. For example, a woman who has a buzz cut or dresses in masculine clothing isn't necessarily gay. If you can't tell by observing them, try bringing up topics related to LGBTQ issues and see how they react. For example, you might say, "I came out to my parents last year. It was tough, but I feel so much better now that I can be myself around them!" Scroll down for more tips, like how to ask someone on a date if you're not sure of their sexuality.

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How to Know if a Guy Is Gay

Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Discreetly-Find-out-if-Someone-You-Know-Is-Gay

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